Ummm What?????

Read like you can hear my voice…well those that know my voice..enjoy.

WTF…but I’m super duper happy!!! Let me tell you my short little story that turned my world right side up.

I got a letter from the doctor after my completed procedures…Imagine me sitting next to the campfire with the night sky sparkling above, a blanket over my head, and a flashlight held up to my face. Lol. DO IT!!!!

Did you do it??? Keep hold of that image…

This letter tells me NO celiac disease found. Mind blown!! It’s bursting at the seams so over joyed. POP!!

Mind you I need to wait to officially confirm with the other doctor BUT omgoodness….I am not always careful what I order so I’m sure well actually I know I’ve eaten gluten occasionally over several months. Since reading this letter all I can think about is how I need to plan another Disney trip but only because I want a damn churro, monte cristo AND beignets!!! Then there’s all the other food I’ve cut out since being told I’m a celiac in 2019!!

Omgoodness. Excuse me while I clean up my drool…

Cinnabon
Christmas cookies
Crab rangoon
Sushi
Chicken tenders
Fried chicken
McDonald’s fries!!

Umm what else…

Normal tortillas
Burritos at Mexican restaurants and Taco Bell bahaha
PASTA
Yummy pizza crust
ICE CREAM with cookie and brownie pieces

Ugh so much food. Where do I even start?? Well with the doctor I guess…

Omgoodness Olive Garden
Never ending pasta
Portobello ravioli
Bagels
Potlucks I’ve missed
Red vines oh my
Pretzels with cheese sauce 🤤
Chinese food get in my belly
Hot dog at baseball games
Birthday cupcakes!!
All the bread!!!
No label looking – playing I spy for GF
All my favorite Oreos!!!!!
Crazy bread
Stouffers Mac n cheese
Crazy bread!!!
Goldfish!
Chez- its!!
Angel hair pasta
Pasta Roni
Western bacon cheeseburger from Carls Jr
Doughboy donuts
Corn nuts
Panda Express
Top Ramen

When you have to choose a place and you realize it’s gonna be tough since you can eat everywhere your mind spins with happiness of what you’re about to enjoy (but it’s also overwhelming) that you never thought you would eat again, well maybe on my death bed at 105 LMAO.

The grocery bill is magically way less…I can afford to eat again!!! Here I am dancing around with my glittery unicorn wand…

It’s been almost a full month since this new adventure of happiness has started. My son and his girlfriend asked me to compare certain foods that I remember the taste of…so far:

Cheez-its- regular ones. I could have sat down and ate the whole box. I was so excited they were coming out with GF ones in 2026, but I was really getting impatient. I did not eat the whole box, but I wanted to.

KitKats…I loved these, but the one I borrowed from my youngest, lol, was so gross. Come to find out it was a frozen stale KitKat…make sure these are not stale. Vomit! so much yumminess when fresh. I “borrowed” half of her replaced one, lmao.

Went to the OG with my fam. “Breadsticks Gang” as my son called us, but I didn’t have any, because I wanted room for my Never Ending Pasta bowls…they got in my belly, the mushroom sauce still amazing, wish it was a year round flavor!

I can’t seem to find the pistachio oreos, major sad face.

Sushi for our anniversary…omgoodness I missed being able to order anything and everything. Well, the night of our anniversary we were shopping at Costco, because I needed snacks…AND I had Costco pizza, which I didn’t mind at all…drooling all over the place like a St. Bernard puppy. Someone grab me a bib!!

For breakfast at the NV Day Parade I filled up with dos Tipsy Lavender Lemonades and some Carls Jr. lol…

Doughboys…it melted in my mouth, the yummy warm maple gazed twist.

Okay, flash light off…blanket still over my head, because I am probably freezing…

I am having fun introducing all the foods I once loved back into my life. It has been quite the adventure.

In no means do I regret being GF for the years I was, it taught me more than I realized it would. My heart goes out to those who can’t have gluten in their diet, yes food is becoming better tasting, but for an autoimmune disease that has been out there for over 100 years you would think there would be more food options in ALL stores, the food costs would be comparable to all food prices, and it wouldn’t be such a struggle to attend amusement parks, potlucks, and restaurants, etc.

If you are the type of person who likes to donate to shelters, food pantries, etc, please think about those who have special diets and donate for them too.

So, after my fun-ness of medical procedures I know my insides are healthy, my throat was stretched, would never recommend this unless it’s needed, so now no more choking…go ahead let your mind wander on that one.

If you are given a blood test for gluten and it’s positive, DEMAND a biopsy. Read your results, copy and paste them into google – it will break them down for you in words that are understandable.

The best advice that was ever given to me by a doctor during COVID, ‘you are your own advocate, do your own research (I personally suggest looking at the UK research) and fight for your rights’. You can fire your doctor. You can get second opinions. And you can see all your doctor’s notes, it’s your right, they are usually posted in your chart, so download the medical apps, know what is happening with your body.

I can poop some magical poop again!! Bahaha sorry not sorry.

Love you all!! Thank you for enjoying my nonsense.

AND as always…

Remember to enjoy the Sunshine, Sparkles, and Mother Fucking Unicorn Poop!!!!!

Fuck It Bucket

** It has been over a year since I have posted anything on my blog. This is just a reminder I post my rough draft, so there will be mistakes, typo’s, etc. I want to share my work in raw form for all to enjoy.**

I really want to be healed enough to sit in a unicorn float, staying above water, and chilling with a double shot of tequila and a margarita in my hands looking at the sky feeling free from the depths of drowning knowing I am safe to once again enjoy life to its fullest.

BUT…

We make decisions everyday. We have choices. We are supposed to learn from our mistakes.

Being capped sized every year, when I feel on top of the world, just plain sucks ass.

Another lesson learned, another cliff I will climb, and the only way off is to dive into the unknown depths in hopes I come up for air…

The salt stung my eyes as the tears continued to rain down my face. I could taste it on my lips. I am in my head like normal. Why have I fallen off this rocky cliff? How did I get here? Is this my fault? It has to be right?! I want to scream until my body shakes, cry into my grandma’s lap as though I was a child again – taking my pain away. Cheeks soaked. The lowest of lows. I never thought it was possible to drown again.

Turning to Pinterest hoping for a much needed quote to pop up in my feed, to maybe smile just a little, but a bunch of haircuts popped up, laughing at me because I do not have two pennies to rub together. All I wanted was some inspiration!!! Or at least something to laugh at…ugh.

My fuck it bucket is overflowing…I have been wandering around like an Eeyore zombie, same shit, different day. GRRRR!!

I kept manifesting that 2025 was going to be a kick ass year, full of fun, mini vacations, lots of camping, cornhole…But the world had other ideas…

I am still trying to figure out what lessons I am supposed to be learning. The lessons just keep going right over my head. I got it, I am strong, can handle a lot, but I could use a fucking break for the hundredth time.

Being told things will be okay, things happen for a reason or this shall pass – Two big fat thumbs down, especially right now. I just want to be able to take things a day at a time and not plan the next 60 plus years – yes you read that right. I already know I am going to live until I am 105, bahaha! bright pink tennis balls on my walker, decorated in sparkly unicorn and disney duct tape, and a bit of glitter….sorry kiddos…BAHAHA. I guess I already have it planned. LMAO!!

Most of 2024 was great, just a few speed bumps, until December. My car was totaled and I had a lot of healing to do. My injuries were muscle related which takes forever to heal. YAY ME!! On a good note all my airbags deployed and saved me from what could have been worse. Cool beans…

I have been home ever since.

My attorneys kept me in the dark. I started annoying them which became my specialty, and they just seemed to pass me around from case worker to case worker like I was some sort of whore.

“In a wreck…” Yeah, I was…”need a check?” That would be nice…

This process has made me a different type of angry. My brain has not been awesome since COVID and my accident made me even more special. Explaining the situation to every case worker I spoke with – WTF!! I am the one that needed things explained. But of course my life is a shit show, so instead I became a “phone call whore”, who had to use my dispatcher mom voice (can you hear it?) to finally get answers. The best part was that it not only worked, but for the first time in months I felt like things were leaning in the right direction. I was giddy like a kid standing in line for the Ice Cream Truck.

Just a friendly reminder, something I learned years ago, “If it isn’t documented, it didn’t happen”.

As most know, a one income household makes you live on a tight budget and your life changes. You fall on your ass, trying to pick up the pieces…

I yelled at my mind, telling it to stop my overthinking web of a mess. Did it listen? Of course not, Duh. I start to spin, unravel, until I make myself sick with worry. I like to think ahead into the future and that does not help at all. Have I stopped overthinking? Nope, it will never happen. If it did I would probably never write again and that would be a sad day ( I know you all enjoy most of my rambling…jk jk. Love you all)

I started thinking about life like it is a s’more. Fingers crossed the ingredients are gluten free, otherwise you better run. Body smoothies from both ends are never fun for anyone…

The marshmallow starts out in a factory, bagged, shipped, purchased, eventually it ends up on the end of a stick above wild dancing flames. Golden colors come to life, it starts to get crispy, most people like the golden crispness. Me? Nope, let’s burn this bitch. These flames surrounding my burnt crispy marshmallow are not easy to blow out like a candle. Taking a mega breath, blow and WOOHOO finally!! except my chest hurts now, wonderful, I love my health and growing old. Grab the graham crackers, chocolate, to help support the little burntness, four seasons of the s’more almost complete. Now I have a sticky ass mess, but I am chilling around a campfire, who gives a shit.. Me. I give a shit. And this is how I keep falling off the cliff.

I started looking and listening real close. I realized one of my lessons was peaking through the dark stormy clouds staring at me for attention. I learned an important lesson, but I know there are more. At least the clouds started to part as sunshine broke through.

We cannot learn from someone else’s mistakes or history. We have to experience it for ourselves to truly understand.

Seeing the light seems impossible right now, but like Dory says, “just keep swimming”.

Thank you Mel, for reminding me that my writing has always helped me break through. I am blessed to have you in my life.

Thank you followers for enjoying my writing – as much as I enjoy writing my pieces. More to follow for all to enjoy. I cannot wait to get back on track and post several times a week.

AND as always…Sunshine, Sparkles, and Mother Fucking Unicorn Poop!!!

Featured

her hell

I like to make people laugh, make their bad day better, put a smile on their face, and just over all be the sunshine and sparkles rather than the darkness and evil. But, right now I feel broken. I am in a dark place. I am lost. I feel like I was locked in a dark damp basement with no way out. The air is so thick I can’t breathe. It weighs me down. Makes my chest heavy, my body fatigued, and makes me feel ill.

My heart pounds as though it is trying to fight its way out of my chest. I swear if it had arms it would have ripped my rib cage apart by now. The knife in my back turns and twists like a wind-up toy as the room dances around me. I fall, but thankfully the wall catches me. The tears slide down my cheeks as I wonder how much longer I am trapped in this darkness. This maze with walls I can’t climb to see the way out.

Dependent. When I was in diapers. When I was a juvenile defying my parents. NOW.

My world has turned upside down once again. I am lost. So. Fucking. Lost. I hate depending on others. I am the chick that buys her own fucking flowers, who isn’t afraid to dance alone, who is the sunshine and sparkles for others, who is the positivity, and here I am not able to even fucking shower unless someone is home!!! I am screaming, crying on the inside. This air is so thick it weighs me down into a hell I haven’t been in, in a very long time.

As the weeks pass and my darkness only grows, I keep trying to find the light, the positive, because after all that is what I do. That is who I am. I do my research to find the light. To look at the bright side. To remind myself that this is not the end. This is just a new beginning. A new start. I might have to do things differently, I might have to plan ahead, and take more time. But I can’t let this define me.

I am determined to climb out of this dark damp basement. To fill my lungs without pain, to remove the knife, to put my heart back in its place, and to stop the world spinning around me. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, but I have overcome such darkness before and I will again. I may have challenges that lie in my way, but I have to remind myself that I am strong, that I can do this, that I have an amazing support system. I also have to remember some of the best advice I was given in December 2015 by a wise man; “adapt and overcome”. Those words have gotten me through a lot since December 2015.

So, maybe I am lost right now, not feeling my sunshine, sparkles, and let’s not forget the mother fucking unicorn poop, but I am going through a shit ton right now. Being home for five weeks (and who fucking knows how much longer), under what feels like lock and key, dependent on everyone, because you are so very ill, well who wouldn’t fucking feel lost, sad, depressed? AND you know what?!? I am fucking allowed to feel like this. I am allowed to be fucking scared. I am allowed to be angry. Frustrated. I can feel like I want to scream, cry, only want to eat ice cream and sushi… I am the only one who knows what my body feels like and it is SO SO SO FUCKING difficult to explain it. I want to feel like ME again. To feel like the Heather everyone knows and loves, but guess what, right now she’s not here. She is gone. She is in this basement. This basement she calls Hell.

As I sit here writing this, debating whether to post this, I remind myself people know you had the rona pneumonia, and in life there are always lessons if you pay attention. You learned a major one within the last year; I haven’t gone anywhere. I always post my blogs on my Facebook page so this one and the poem I wrote before this will not be any different. Thank you to all who have been there day after dark day. My boyfriend, my kids, my family, #6 & his girl, my bestie (yellow power ranger), my co-workers (cc/vegas), and my Cornhole family.

she is peachy

She was always normally happy, full of life, or cheerful, but sometimes she had those days or moments when she was upset, sad, angry, and during these times it did not mean she was not happy or her sparkly self, it just meant she was having a bad day or did not feel like herself. She is after all human.

The cut was deeper than expected. Tears began to fall. They filled the wound with a slight sting, which was a reminder of the pain she knew would eventually happen. It was worse than she expected and at that moment she realized she was not as dark and dead inside as she had thought.

Tears continued to fall and dampen her cheeks. She laid there looking at the messages being passed back and forth, not exactly sure how to feel. Upset, torn, hurt, within herself at that moment. This was a conversation she did not want to have through text. It was something she wanted in person. But she was cursed. Everyone could feel her every emotion whether through text, posts, in person, or over the phone. Her emotions, feelings, thoughts are worn like a jacket.

This lost soul felt like this year had been a challenge on so many different levels. January started out great, but it dragged. There was concern that the year was going to take forever, but excitement still filled the air. Then it all just fell apart. She held her head high and remained positive, found the light in everything like she always did. This year did drag, it did take forever, hell it’s still going, but there were many things she learned about herself. Things she even learned about family and friends. New friends were made, who became family. Even with how difficult this year has been she is thankful for it, because without it she would not have grown in the way she did this year. Yes, there still would have been growth within her, but it would have been different. She felt this growth that has taken place within her this year has made her stronger, more vocal, not as afraid to be herself.

Thankful for the friendships created this year, the bonds that have turned friends into family, the true colors that have been brought out in people. The lessons that have been taught. The growth that has happened. The beauty in this dark year. People started to be nice again for a moment, they said hi to strangers, waved, new traditions were created, before it went dark again.

She sat there reflecting on everything. Feeling lost. What just happened? There had been such light and happiness, then darkness loomed above her world. She still shined her light through, but you could feel her sadness, the tenderness of pain radiated off of her, her walls went back up as she closed the door and locked away her feelings, because how else to does one swallow something they cannot understand?

She knew she was difficult to love. She knew she was a handful. She knew what her friendship brought to the table, but she also knew she could not keep feeling the way she felt every time she let someone close to her. She has been let down by so many this year and in previous years.

Lonely. She knows she is not alone, but the feeling is overwhelming. Trust. She was told to never trust a soul. Giving the benefit of the doubt has been a weakness. One she is trying to overcome. When she needed someone there was nobody. Her tears fell in silence, tissues mopped them up, her pillow was her shoulder, and she was her own friend.

Friends, some became family, some have been let go, others taught lessons, and there are some that touched her soul. With each she allowed herself to learn, to become stronger, to grow, and to understand that everyone has a story that makes them who they are.

She battles her own battles like everyone else and is still learning that she is not always strong enough to get through them on her own. One day she will be strong enough to ask for help, a shoulder to lean on, and maybe in time she will understand she is not difficult to love or a handful, but that it is all just a part of her journey.