Ummm What?????

Read like you can hear my voice…well those that know my voice..enjoy.

WTF…but I’m super duper happy!!! Let me tell you my short little story that turned my world right side up.

I got a letter from the doctor after my completed procedures…Imagine me sitting next to the campfire with the night sky sparkling above, a blanket over my head, and a flashlight held up to my face. Lol. DO IT!!!!

Did you do it??? Keep hold of that image…

This letter tells me NO celiac disease found. Mind blown!! It’s bursting at the seams so over joyed. POP!!

Mind you I need to wait to officially confirm with the other doctor BUT omgoodness….I am not always careful what I order so I’m sure well actually I know I’ve eaten gluten occasionally over several months. Since reading this letter all I can think about is how I need to plan another Disney trip but only because I want a damn churro, monte cristo AND beignets!!! Then there’s all the other food I’ve cut out since being told I’m a celiac in 2019!!

Omgoodness. Excuse me while I clean up my drool…

Cinnabon
Christmas cookies
Crab rangoon
Sushi
Chicken tenders
Fried chicken
McDonald’s fries!!

Umm what else…

Normal tortillas
Burritos at Mexican restaurants and Taco Bell bahaha
PASTA
Yummy pizza crust
ICE CREAM with cookie and brownie pieces

Ugh so much food. Where do I even start?? Well with the doctor I guess…

Omgoodness Olive Garden
Never ending pasta
Portobello ravioli
Bagels
Potlucks I’ve missed
Red vines oh my
Pretzels with cheese sauce 🤤
Chinese food get in my belly
Hot dog at baseball games
Birthday cupcakes!!
All the bread!!!
No label looking – playing I spy for GF
All my favorite Oreos!!!!!
Crazy bread
Stouffers Mac n cheese
Crazy bread!!!
Goldfish!
Chez- its!!
Angel hair pasta
Pasta Roni
Western bacon cheeseburger from Carls Jr
Doughboy donuts
Corn nuts
Panda Express
Top Ramen

When you have to choose a place and you realize it’s gonna be tough since you can eat everywhere your mind spins with happiness of what you’re about to enjoy (but it’s also overwhelming) that you never thought you would eat again, well maybe on my death bed at 105 LMAO.

The grocery bill is magically way less…I can afford to eat again!!! Here I am dancing around with my glittery unicorn wand…

It’s been almost a full month since this new adventure of happiness has started. My son and his girlfriend asked me to compare certain foods that I remember the taste of…so far:

Cheez-its- regular ones. I could have sat down and ate the whole box. I was so excited they were coming out with GF ones in 2026, but I was really getting impatient. I did not eat the whole box, but I wanted to.

KitKats…I loved these, but the one I borrowed from my youngest, lol, was so gross. Come to find out it was a frozen stale KitKat…make sure these are not stale. Vomit! so much yumminess when fresh. I “borrowed” half of her replaced one, lmao.

Went to the OG with my fam. “Breadsticks Gang” as my son called us, but I didn’t have any, because I wanted room for my Never Ending Pasta bowls…they got in my belly, the mushroom sauce still amazing, wish it was a year round flavor!

I can’t seem to find the pistachio oreos, major sad face.

Sushi for our anniversary…omgoodness I missed being able to order anything and everything. Well, the night of our anniversary we were shopping at Costco, because I needed snacks…AND I had Costco pizza, which I didn’t mind at all…drooling all over the place like a St. Bernard puppy. Someone grab me a bib!!

For breakfast at the NV Day Parade I filled up with dos Tipsy Lavender Lemonades and some Carls Jr. lol…

Doughboys…it melted in my mouth, the yummy warm maple gazed twist.

Okay, flash light off…blanket still over my head, because I am probably freezing…

I am having fun introducing all the foods I once loved back into my life. It has been quite the adventure.

In no means do I regret being GF for the years I was, it taught me more than I realized it would. My heart goes out to those who can’t have gluten in their diet, yes food is becoming better tasting, but for an autoimmune disease that has been out there for over 100 years you would think there would be more food options in ALL stores, the food costs would be comparable to all food prices, and it wouldn’t be such a struggle to attend amusement parks, potlucks, and restaurants, etc.

If you are the type of person who likes to donate to shelters, food pantries, etc, please think about those who have special diets and donate for them too.

So, after my fun-ness of medical procedures I know my insides are healthy, my throat was stretched, would never recommend this unless it’s needed, so now no more choking…go ahead let your mind wander on that one.

If you are given a blood test for gluten and it’s positive, DEMAND a biopsy. Read your results, copy and paste them into google – it will break them down for you in words that are understandable.

The best advice that was ever given to me by a doctor during COVID, ‘you are your own advocate, do your own research (I personally suggest looking at the UK research) and fight for your rights’. You can fire your doctor. You can get second opinions. And you can see all your doctor’s notes, it’s your right, they are usually posted in your chart, so download the medical apps, know what is happening with your body.

I can poop some magical poop again!! Bahaha sorry not sorry.

Love you all!! Thank you for enjoying my nonsense.

AND as always…

Remember to enjoy the Sunshine, Sparkles, and Mother Fucking Unicorn Poop!!!!!

stupid sock

My stupid sock kept sliding down my foot into my shoe. I didn’t know how many more times I could fix it before I just took my socks off and said fuck it. Between my socks and underwear, I knew I should have changed both before leaving the house. FML. If this was an indication of how my day was going to go, I was fucked.

Guess what?? I was fucked. My day just got worse. I drove through Dutch Bros and picked up coffee for everyone. The drinks were in a drink carrier. I placed the drinks on my passenger seat like I always did. Then this asshole decided to cut me off. I could have hit him, but let’s get real, I love my car, soooo I slammed on my brakes, honked my horn and called him every dirty cuss word possible like he could hear me….but now I had a coffee lake all over the passenger side of my car. Yay!!!

I pulled over to attempt to clean up this wonderful mess. Pretty sure fire was coming out of my ears by now. I moved the drinks to the floor of my car and continued on my happy journey. “you mother fucking fucktard”, yelling at the top of my lungs as I slam on my brakes again, because some fucktard towing a pickup with his pickup pulls out into traffic…. splash…you’ve got to be kidding me…

This day needed to get better. I didn’t want to bring my black cloud to work with me. Not today. My sock is wrapped around my toes, my underwear is I don’t even know at this point, and I have a coffee swamp in my front seat, but at least my hair looks cute…major eye roll…

I am so glad I can laugh at shit like this, because if I took this kind of stuff serious and to heart, I would always be in tears. I literally need to be wrapped in bubble wrap.

Laughing hysterically at everything that took place in the last half hour I opened the sunroof, turned up the music, and reset myself. I am already a black cloud, that is something I cannot help, but I can make sure I am living in the moment and enjoying it the best way I know how, and that’s exactly what I did.

My socks and underwear drove me insane during my whole shift and I immediately threw them away when I got home. Work was insane, which I expect, especially with my adventure on the way to work. But I was full of energy and had a wonderful time.

If we let the little things bother us, get us down, and control our day we are not the one’s in charge of our lives. Life is too short to be bothered by silly things. I am happy I am able to laugh at life, turn my day around, and live each day to its fullest.

batteries. a single girls bff

A couple of years ago I told a close friend of mine “if I ever tell you I want to be in a relationship again smack me.” I was not being serious or maybe at the time I was. I was full of all kinds of different emotions when we had this conversation. Who really wants to be single for the rest of their life, especially in their thirties? Apparently, me!! And by saying this, I feel like the world listened, because I feel cursed, jinxed, whatever you want to call it. And why? Oh, you know just to prove a fucking point…like haha eat your words Heather!!!

Here I am, almost 36, and single. My toys and I have become great friends, BFF’s. In fact, I should probably add batteries to my shopping list. I have always been very independent. I am completely okay with being single, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind of “shit what if I live until I am 90”. That’s a shit ton of time to be alone and not in a relationship. So yeah in reality it would be nice to have that person to be able to snuggle up with at the end of the day, lay next to in bed, enjoy “streaming and chill” evenings, and of course have more than just my “BFF”.

So here I sit, asking myself, “did I jinx myself”? Or maybe I am just so independent I scare grown men away? Or the dating scene has just changed so much I do not know how to play the game? But dating should not be a game…but on a lighter funnier note I think my “prince charming” is just fucking lost, trying to navigate his way to me, but like me; north, east, south, and west are confusing as all hell and he needs landmarks instead…just follow the trail of toys!!!

Someday my prince will….nah, I just need to replace my batteries sooner than later.

crazy cat lady

You know what I love about myself? That no matter how dark things seem to be, no matter what negative twist is thrown at me, no matter what it is that enters into my bubble to bring me down I am always able to find that light, that humor, or the positive in every situation.

I have had some dark times in my life. I have had some moments that I would not want anyone to ever experience. I have had times that I thought I would never see the positive again, but here I am shining bright. Living life everyday with a beautiful smile on my face.

We all have choices. We are responsible for the decisions we make in life. These decisions take us down certain paths. We get to decide if we add the positivity or the negativity on these paths. I did not realize this when I was younger. I realized this when I was in my mid 20’s, more mature, and more focused on what was really important.

Then in the last few years so much happened. So many changes. Some dark. Some good. Some scary. But I remained positive. Focused. Sure, I had my dark depressed moments, but seriously who does not have those moments? If you say you have never had one of those moments, I am going to call bullshit! We are human. We are going to have our moments.

I feel ready for the next chapter in my life to start. But the dating world is just not going to happen. So, I have decided I am just going to become a crazy cat lady. Lol. But I promise my house will not smell like cat. I love Bath and Body Works way too much for a stinky house!! Lol. Wallflowers and candles everywhere to smother out the smell. Lol. Oh my goodness…I crack myself up.

We decide what path we walk along. Whether it is the path of happiness with green grass full of laughter and smiles or the path of darkness with tears and pain that haunts us for the decisions we made. Sometimes we decide to live a little bit of both. Devil on one shoulder, angel on the other. I have lived a life like this. I have learned so many lessons.

So, I can say I am not happy with everything I have done in my life, I have learned from them, I love who I have become, and I will for certain never become a crazy cat lady…if I do please send someone to rescue me!!! Lol. Thanks in advance!!

Sunshine and sparkles!! Put a smile on that beautiful face!!

will this fit?

Do you have one of those items, collectibles, something silly, but that you absolutely love and every time they have a new one you can not wait to purchase said new item? I am raising my hand, jumping up and down, and I am sure there is a giant neon flashing arrow above my head right now. I have a major problem when it comes to cups. You know shakers, mugs, water bottles, etc.… let’s not even count the amount that I have. My weakness is the different cups Dutch Bros sell. I have no room mind you to buy any more of these things and yet I do…no judging lol.

I often joke I need to join a Dutch Bros mug anonymous club, because it is a huge problem. But then when I look around to the people, I see every day, whether its family or friends, I realize I am not the only one with this problem.

Haha!! Yes! I am not the only one sitting here going where am I going to put this new thing? Nope it does not fit here, damn the cabinet will not close if I put it here, oh! Wait what about right here?, nope just kidding…but when I think about it, like really think about, having the issue of where the fuck is my new cup going to fit is not really that big of a deal, but maybe it is to some. Hell, the cup may have fallen and hit them on the head…lol…I know I know I am twisted. Oh well. At least I am true to me and still loved by someone out there, hehehe, maybe.

Now if that cup falls on me and its full of hot coffee or tea, fml. BUT, right now I really just need to decide where this new mug is going to fit after its done drying from its bath…