Ummm What?????

Read like you can hear my voice…well those that know my voice..enjoy.

WTF…but I’m super duper happy!!! Let me tell you my short little story that turned my world right side up.

I got a letter from the doctor after my completed procedures…Imagine me sitting next to the campfire with the night sky sparkling above, a blanket over my head, and a flashlight held up to my face. Lol. DO IT!!!!

Did you do it??? Keep hold of that image…

This letter tells me NO celiac disease found. Mind blown!! It’s bursting at the seams so over joyed. POP!!

Mind you I need to wait to officially confirm with the other doctor BUT omgoodness….I am not always careful what I order so I’m sure well actually I know I’ve eaten gluten occasionally over several months. Since reading this letter all I can think about is how I need to plan another Disney trip but only because I want a damn churro, monte cristo AND beignets!!! Then there’s all the other food I’ve cut out since being told I’m a celiac in 2019!!

Omgoodness. Excuse me while I clean up my drool…

Cinnabon
Christmas cookies
Crab rangoon
Sushi
Chicken tenders
Fried chicken
McDonald’s fries!!

Umm what else…

Normal tortillas
Burritos at Mexican restaurants and Taco Bell bahaha
PASTA
Yummy pizza crust
ICE CREAM with cookie and brownie pieces

Ugh so much food. Where do I even start?? Well with the doctor I guess…

Omgoodness Olive Garden
Never ending pasta
Portobello ravioli
Bagels
Potlucks I’ve missed
Red vines oh my
Pretzels with cheese sauce 🤤
Chinese food get in my belly
Hot dog at baseball games
Birthday cupcakes!!
All the bread!!!
No label looking – playing I spy for GF
All my favorite Oreos!!!!!
Crazy bread
Stouffers Mac n cheese
Crazy bread!!!
Goldfish!
Chez- its!!
Angel hair pasta
Pasta Roni
Western bacon cheeseburger from Carls Jr
Doughboy donuts
Corn nuts
Panda Express
Top Ramen

When you have to choose a place and you realize it’s gonna be tough since you can eat everywhere your mind spins with happiness of what you’re about to enjoy (but it’s also overwhelming) that you never thought you would eat again, well maybe on my death bed at 105 LMAO.

The grocery bill is magically way less…I can afford to eat again!!! Here I am dancing around with my glittery unicorn wand…

It’s been almost a full month since this new adventure of happiness has started. My son and his girlfriend asked me to compare certain foods that I remember the taste of…so far:

Cheez-its- regular ones. I could have sat down and ate the whole box. I was so excited they were coming out with GF ones in 2026, but I was really getting impatient. I did not eat the whole box, but I wanted to.

KitKats…I loved these, but the one I borrowed from my youngest, lol, was so gross. Come to find out it was a frozen stale KitKat…make sure these are not stale. Vomit! so much yumminess when fresh. I “borrowed” half of her replaced one, lmao.

Went to the OG with my fam. “Breadsticks Gang” as my son called us, but I didn’t have any, because I wanted room for my Never Ending Pasta bowls…they got in my belly, the mushroom sauce still amazing, wish it was a year round flavor!

I can’t seem to find the pistachio oreos, major sad face.

Sushi for our anniversary…omgoodness I missed being able to order anything and everything. Well, the night of our anniversary we were shopping at Costco, because I needed snacks…AND I had Costco pizza, which I didn’t mind at all…drooling all over the place like a St. Bernard puppy. Someone grab me a bib!!

For breakfast at the NV Day Parade I filled up with dos Tipsy Lavender Lemonades and some Carls Jr. lol…

Doughboys…it melted in my mouth, the yummy warm maple gazed twist.

Okay, flash light off…blanket still over my head, because I am probably freezing…

I am having fun introducing all the foods I once loved back into my life. It has been quite the adventure.

In no means do I regret being GF for the years I was, it taught me more than I realized it would. My heart goes out to those who can’t have gluten in their diet, yes food is becoming better tasting, but for an autoimmune disease that has been out there for over 100 years you would think there would be more food options in ALL stores, the food costs would be comparable to all food prices, and it wouldn’t be such a struggle to attend amusement parks, potlucks, and restaurants, etc.

If you are the type of person who likes to donate to shelters, food pantries, etc, please think about those who have special diets and donate for them too.

So, after my fun-ness of medical procedures I know my insides are healthy, my throat was stretched, would never recommend this unless it’s needed, so now no more choking…go ahead let your mind wander on that one.

If you are given a blood test for gluten and it’s positive, DEMAND a biopsy. Read your results, copy and paste them into google – it will break them down for you in words that are understandable.

The best advice that was ever given to me by a doctor during COVID, ‘you are your own advocate, do your own research (I personally suggest looking at the UK research) and fight for your rights’. You can fire your doctor. You can get second opinions. And you can see all your doctor’s notes, it’s your right, they are usually posted in your chart, so download the medical apps, know what is happening with your body.

I can poop some magical poop again!! Bahaha sorry not sorry.

Love you all!! Thank you for enjoying my nonsense.

AND as always…

Remember to enjoy the Sunshine, Sparkles, and Mother Fucking Unicorn Poop!!!!!

once upon a time…i was broken

It was our last night of freedom as we all called it. The last night of our childhood. This was it, this was the night before our whole world changed. Little did I know my world would never be the same after this.

I was 19. I knew what my future was going to look like. I had it all planned out. I was leaving home, joining the military, I was going to make a career, a life for myself. So, I thought. But this chapter of my life did not go as I had planned. The world had a different plan for me. A plan I struggled to understand for a long time.

My last night of “freedom” had never tasted so good. The jack and coke mix had me buzzing. I felt relaxed. This was a nice feeling, especially since my nerves were overloaded with all different emotions; excitement, scared, nervous, etc.

I remember a large group of us hanging out, being silly, laughter filling the air as we chitchatted amongst one another asking where we headed, what we were planning to do with our future careers in the military, but then the air changed. Soon the crowd was much smaller, and I was no longer outside…

It was dark. I could see some light shining in by the window. This light gave me enough to see that I was in a room, but not my room. I felt weak. I could not breathe. I saw someone in the next bed over as I felt my legs being spread apart. I looked up. There was a hooded figure above me. I tried to scream, but a pillow was placed on my head. The fear I felt in that moment melted the pain of him shoving himself into me away. When the pillow was lifted away, I could see again, but still could not see who this evil was. I glanced over to the bed next to where I was and made eye contact with whomever that heartless person was as more pain tore into me. Tears dampened my cheeks.

When there was more light filling the room a weight was lifted off me. The evil had gone, I did not care to look where, I just took my chance and left. I never looked behind me to see if I was being watched or followed. When I got to my room I immediately showered, and I just sat there and cried.

I continued on. I thought if I could just forget what happened I could survive. Live my life like it never happened. Besides who would believe me? But I was not strong enough. I was terrified. This chapter of my life was taken from me by this evil.

I was angry for a long time. How, why could God let anyone go through this? That was my thought. What did I do to deserve this? But when I grew stronger, I realized why. It was not because I deserved it, or because I was hated. It was because I was strong. I was strong enough to survive and because I survived, I am able to tell my story, to help others, and to live on.

I did not understand at the time why. I still do not sometimes understand the evil in this world, but I do know that I am strong. I know that I am a survivor, because I have survived a darkness. I have seen evil first hand, but I still find the strength to shine bright, to live on, and to love my journey. Even though some chapters have been scary, they help define who I am.

Darkness

****I wrote this poem February 6^th, 2006. It is very dark. I wish I could remember exactly what I was going through at the time****

I sit with nothing but hatred running through my veins

I’m angered beyond anything I’ve ever felt

I’m a stone with no way to express oneself

I sit here cold with waves of emotion crashing through me like a rip tide.

There is no one I have but myself.

With icy blood flowing I have no warmth for even lust.

Hatred fills my body

Tears splash to my cheeks

Popping pills may take my pain

But won’t heal me.

Waves slam me every which way

I am no longer in control

Warmth touches my skin in a red smooth covering

The blade is cold as it slits through layers of icy skin.

I sit here wondering what has happened

Such beauty gone

With the hatred others have made one feel.

Cancer sucks

****This entry is something I wrote after my Grandpa passed away from cancer. I was involved in Relay for Life for a very long time, I am still a strong supporter of the event. I wrote the first part of this to share my story as to how cancer touched my life. The poem I wrote to read at my Grandpa’s memorial. I wrote it as he was taking his last breath; a moment I will never forget****

My Grandpa was a stubborn man. Up until the very end he fought to do most everything on his own. Then he was gone. There were no more twinkles, no more hugs; all I have left are memories.

I stand here today knowing why I relay. When I first joined Relay for Life in August 2008 I joined to fight for a cure. I joined with the understanding cancer has touched me, but I NEVER EVER thought cancer would touch me how it has now. This evil disease is taking our loved ones from us. It needs to stop.

I relay for Stacey. A friend I met through relay who is one the strongest people I know. I relay for everyone in the park. I relay, because my Grandpa is not going to get to watch his grandchildren and great grandchildren grow and become what ever it is they are meant to become. I relay because he deserved to see his family grow. I relay so your grandparents and parents can watch their children and grandchildren grow. I relay for me. I relay because it is not fair that my Grandfather will not be here to see my little ones grow and change like a grandpa should.

Everyone here deserves to have everyone in their life watch their children become adults and make a difference in this world like we are making a difference with relay. I relay for those who want to give up. I relay for the fight. I relay because I know there is a cure out there. I relay because we should live our life’s without fear of cancer. I relay for more birthdays.

Cancer has touched everyone in the world, some in ways they never thought, others in ways they could not have imagined. Cancer needs to stop touching everyone. I relay.

Candles glow flickered with your last breath,

Sitting here crying;

As a chill lifted the room,

You surrounded me with one last hug.

Saying goodbye was hard to do,

No choice I had.

Free of pain,

No longer trapped.

Be in your happy place,

Among nature at its best.

In the garden,

In the forest in Tahoe,

Now with nature

Your free from all the sickness,

Roam,

Be free,

Soar among the birds you once fed,

Watch natures beauty,

Protect it.

Embrace us all with your love,

Love you back,

Sad to see you go,

Surround me with one last hug.

My Grandfather was diagnosed with cancer in January 2009. Three months later he took his last breath with his wife and children by his side. One of the last times I saw my Grandpa was the hardest. He did not recognize me. He stood across the room asking who I was in front of everyone. Then as soon as it registered who I was I saw the very last twinkle in my Grandpa’s eye. He came and gave me a hug. I stayed strong and did not shed a tear even though I wanted too.

Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh Romeo, Romeo

*****if you get offended easily or are sensitive to nasty language close your eyes now…Or at least this entry*****

I truly am not an evil person…..so I may have small teeny tiny little devil horns holding up my halo, but really I am one of the sweetest nicest people you will ever meet unless you royally piss me off or cross me. Then ok I will be an evil bitch, your worst nightmare, and none of that keep your enemy’s closer shit…such bullshit.

I have a love hate relationship with Facebook, like most people I am sure. It is like a fucking traffic jam for people’s whiny ass drama or just people complaining all the fucking time!! Like seriously get over it all ready, so the douche bag does not like you, oh fucking well, they probably have three other side pieces anyways…or oh you hate your job…they treat you unfair…hmmm have you taken a look in the mirror!!??? Probably not, because if so all of your questions would be answered! Stop complaining, get over your bullshit, pull up your big girl panties, grab a tissue, and get on with your life. Nobody cares. They are all just too nice to say shut the fuck up!!!

I think it is hilarious when you come across those posts and it takes everything you have not to comment, when you just really really want to say something and your fingers start to twitch, you know that feeling? Well, that happened to me recently. I saw this post. “oh your this and your that and the greatest person blah blah blah”. First, of all really? This person probably had some other side piece in their bed fucking them sideways as this post was being created! But did I comment? No. I behaved. But it took everything I had to not respond!!! So much will power.

Isn’t funny how we read posts on social media from people we know, or posts they are tagged in and cannot help but laugh? People are fucked up. I will fully admit that I am. Like I said small devil horns holding up my halo. Maybe, just maybe my small devil horns are growing…hahaha. Eh, oh well. I am ok with that. Facebook can be quite entertaining if you let it.

Back to this post…you think you know a person, but do we ever truly know somebody? Only if they let us in. And by that I mean with everything, they aren’t afraid to tell their secrets, their past, their every fault, what makes them who they are, and they aren’t afraid to be honest. This post, yeah, I was not kidding when I said they probably had some other side piece in their bed fucking them sideways, or continually have another piece of meat in their bed besides this person who thinks they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. If only we truly knew who we were crawling into bed with…or who we thought were our heroes….

Karma is a bitch. Karma is not afraid to fuck up anyone. Karma sees everything.

my devil horns are definitely growing….