Red Roses

The scent of roses fills the air. Looking around I am surrounded by a sea of red, pink, and white. Vomit! Beautiful flower arrangements making my head spin as I can no longer contain my laughter at the ridiculous amount of effort people spend on one fucking day to show their love or possible love for a person. There’s 364 other days to show how much appreciate and love one has for another and yet most people wait until this one day to show it. Seriously? WTF?

I would rather get flowers any other day of the year except on Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day. Those are days flowers are excepted.

My thoughts. Just because he got you a dozen beautiful red roses for Valentine’s Day does not mean he loves you. Sweetheart here are some simple hard truths; like I said before it’s expected to get flower’s on Valentines Day, and since when does receiving flowers mean someone loves you? Trust me flowers don’t mean shit. You can sit there and pull the petals; he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. We do not live in a cartoon, a utopia, or a fantasy world. We live in a real world. A world where everyone is too sensitive to face the truth.

Now if you get your favorite flower on a random day thought went into it. The man knows you, he thought about you, he wanted to make you feel warm and melt on the inside. If the flower is in your favorite color, then damn that man better get him some extra loving between the sheets. Lol.

Cut flowers die. The water gets nasty and stinky. Potted flowers last. They represent growth, nurturing, love, and so much more than cut flowers. They are flowers you can replant and have a constant reminder of how the person feels about you. They grow as the relationship grows.

He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not…

Facing the truth sucks. It’s the worst. But at some point, we must do it. We have to look in the mirror, be brave, swallow our pride, and really be honest with ourselves. I know I can be the sweetest nicest person until someone pisses me off then I can become the biggest bitch out there. I walk around with resting bitch face because of this most people find me unapproachable or intimidating as I have been told lately. I was raised to take shit from no one. I am also not afraid of who I am and the things I have done. Why be afraid of who we truly are and the things we have chosen to do? Grow a pair, face the truth, and own who you are.

We’ve pulled the petals from the flowers, faced the truth (maybe), and still we sit here with these unrealistic thoughts that fill our heads, overwhelm our every emotion making us sensitive whiny people who complain about everything that does not go our way. For fucks sake you just decided a man loves you because he bought you roses on a fucking overrated holiday!! Ugh and I thought I had problems…I mean I do, but damn at least I am realistic lol…

Flowers don’t mean shit. You can pull all the petals you want or post all the pictures taken to show “love” or “happiness”, but its all show, what happens when the doors are closed? Or there’s no audience? That’s the raw truth…can you face it?

Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh Romeo, Romeo

*****if you get offended easily or are sensitive to nasty language close your eyes now…Or at least this entry*****

 

I truly am not an evil person…..so I may have small teeny tiny little devil horns holding up my halo, but really I am one of the sweetest nicest people you will ever meet unless you royally piss me off or cross me. Then ok I will be an evil bitch, your worst nightmare, and none of that keep your enemy’s closer shit…such bullshit.

I have a love hate relationship with Facebook, like most people I am sure. It is like a fucking traffic jam for people’s whiny ass drama or just people complaining all the fucking time!! Like seriously get over it all ready, so the douche bag does not like you, oh fucking well, they probably have three other side pieces anyways…or oh you hate your job…they treat you unfair…hmmm have you taken a look in the mirror!!??? Probably not, because if so all of your questions would be answered! Stop complaining, get over your bullshit, pull up your big girl panties, grab a tissue, and get on with your life. Nobody cares. They are all just too nice to say shut the fuck up!!!

I think it is hilarious when you come across those posts and it takes everything you have not to comment, when you just really really want to say something and your fingers start to twitch, you know that feeling? Well, that happened to me recently. I saw this post. “oh your this and your that and the greatest person blah blah blah”. First, of all really? This person probably had some other side piece in their bed fucking them sideways as this post was being created! But did I comment? No. I behaved. But it took everything I had to not respond!!! So much will power.

Isn’t funny how we read posts on social media from people we know, or posts they are tagged in and cannot help but laugh? People are fucked up. I will fully admit that I am. Like I said small devil horns holding up my halo. Maybe, just maybe my small devil horns are growing…hahaha. Eh, oh well. I am ok with that. Facebook can be quite entertaining if you let it.

Back to this post…you think you know a person, but do we ever truly know somebody? Only if they let us in. And by that I mean with everything, they aren’t afraid to tell their secrets, their past, their every fault, what makes them who they are, and they aren’t afraid to be honest. This post, yeah, I was not kidding when I said they probably had some other side piece in their bed fucking them sideways, or continually have another piece of meat in their bed besides this person who thinks they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. If only we truly knew who we were crawling into bed with…or who we thought were our heroes….

Karma is a bitch. Karma is not afraid to fuck up anyone. Karma sees everything.

my devil horns are definitely growing….

I am my worst enemy

I should be writing my essay for my English class, but sometimes life happens, and homework gets put on pause. Overthinking is my worst enemy. I fucking hate when my mind goes down a one way path the wrong fucking way and next thing I know I am dodging 5 million different what ifs, because I decided to go the wrong way. Seriously, where are the damn stop signs, someone break check me or something! Fuck!! You ever have those moments? Where you just cannot get your mind to stop? And of course it always has to happen right before bed….fml….maybe I will get lucky and writing my essay will help slow my mind down, doubtful, but one can hope.

As I am sitting here still overthinking, even though I know exactly what the issue is and how to fix it. I cannot help but at least laugh at myself realizing I am still a stupid fool who knows better. The girl who knows no matter how many ways I play it in my head, no matter which path I choose, no matter the amount of petals pulled, my answer is always going to be the same. Silly girl…it is better to leave the walls up and the heart always guarded.

I have learned many lessons in life and some I continue to test. Mistakes are made, but they are part of how I have become who I am. Each step, each mistake, each wrong turn, each lesson of every day of my life is a piece of me. Without my personal day to day adventures I would not be the person I am today, the good and the bad. We are each unique because of our own adventures. Thank goodness. I would not want to be like anyone else. I am glad I am who I am and have gone through the things I have, even the crappy stuff.

Tonight, I sit here reflecting on how I am in this mood I am in right at this moment. Is it the weather? This nasty bitter cold weather that has turn everything into ice? Or is it simply the fact that I have made decisions in my life that were difficult to make that have led to this point, this feeling I have right now? This heavy dark cloud of loneliness sitting above me weighing me down. Making the tears escape slowly from my eyes sliding down my cheeks as I type away at my keyboard knowing I need to get through this just to feel somewhat better that way I can finish my essay, go to bed, and wake up tomorrow morning to start a new day.

There is light in the darkest of moments. I just have to let it in.

 

This is me

Seriously, I have no idea why I do not wrap myself in bubble wrap and call it good. I am a walking accident. I am not even sure if that is the right word anymore.

Hello! I am Heather! Welcome to my blog. This blog is about my everyday life. I find it interesting, funny and well sometimes just like WTF did that really just happen? This shit cannot be made up!! Yes, I will use profanity, texting acronyms, maybe even an emoji here and there; so, I am warning you now if you get offended easily stop reading. I do not have much of a filter once I get going. I will do my best to advise on entries that need warning…no promises guaranteed.

As a mom of three I am always on the go. My life is busy. My son is 14, a freshman in high school, and is already talking about what college he wants to go to and when he is going to apply. Yay!!! I did something right! Lol. When I was a freshman I was counting down the days until I turned 18 and could move out! My son is very motivated and ambitious. I am extremely proud of him and the maturity he has shown lately. My 12-year-old daughter is an animal lover and dreams about becoming a veterinarian. If she could bring home every stray animal, she would. I love her caring character. My 8-year-old diva daughter is one animated character for sure. She is full of sass, keeps me on my toes and is super girly. She is currently attempting to grow her hair out like Rapunzel…oh my. Even though she is full of attitude she can make anyone smile.

I am a 911 dispatcher. Most of the time at work I am a black cloud. I like to think my cloud rains glitter just to keep it slightly happy…positive thoughts equal positivity…maybe? I love my job. I can honestly say that even on the worst darkest evilest day at work I still walk out of the building wanting to go back the next day. Even when I am sicker than sick I still would rather be at work than curled up on my couch or in bed. Maybe I am sick in the head? Eh oh well.

As if I do not already have enough on my plate. I felt I needed to add more to it, because why not. I decided to go back to school full time. Yay! Go me! I have dreams, goals, places and plans I want to see and fulfill. I want to show my children that you can reach your goals no matter your age. Age is just a number after all; when it comes to certain things.

My life is busy and crazy, but it is mine. I am living it the way I want to, not how everyone else wants me too. I changed way too many times for way too many people. Welcome to the crazy…remember you have been warned. 😊