Category: Uncategorized

I am my worst enemy

I should be writing my essay for my English class, but sometimes life happens, and homework gets put on pause. Overthinking is my worst enemy. I fucking hate when my mind goes down a one way path the wrong fucking way and next thing I know I am dodging 5 million different what ifs, because I decided to go the wrong way. Seriously, where are the damn stop signs, someone break check me or something! Fuck!! You ever have those moments? Where you just cannot get your mind to stop? And of course it always has to happen right before bed….fml….maybe I will get lucky and writing my essay will help slow my mind down, doubtful, but one can hope.

As I am sitting here still overthinking, even though I know exactly what the issue is and how to fix it. I cannot help but at least laugh at myself realizing I am still a stupid fool who knows better. The girl who knows no matter how many ways I play it in my head, no matter which path I choose, no matter the amount of petals pulled, my answer is always going to be the same. Silly girl…it is better to leave the walls up and the heart always guarded.

I have learned many lessons in life and some I continue to test. Mistakes are made, but they are part of how I have become who I am. Each step, each mistake, each wrong turn, each lesson of every day of my life is a piece of me. Without my personal day to day adventures I would not be the person I am today, the good and the bad. We are each unique because of our own adventures. Thank goodness. I would not want to be like anyone else. I am glad I am who I am and have gone through the things I have, even the crappy stuff.

Tonight, I sit here reflecting on how I am in this mood I am in right at this moment. Is it the weather? This nasty bitter cold weather that has turn everything into ice? Or is it simply the fact that I have made decisions in my life that were difficult to make that have led to this point, this feeling I have right now? This heavy dark cloud of loneliness sitting above me weighing me down. Making the tears escape slowly from my eyes sliding down my cheeks as I type away at my keyboard knowing I need to get through this just to feel somewhat better that way I can finish my essay, go to bed, and wake up tomorrow morning to start a new day.

There is light in the darkest of moments. I just have to let it in.

 

This is me

Seriously, I have no idea why I do not wrap myself in bubble wrap and call it good. I am a walking accident. I am not even sure if that is the right word anymore.

Hello! I am Heather! Welcome to my blog. This blog is about my everyday life. I find it interesting, funny and well sometimes just like WTF did that really just happen? This shit cannot be made up!! Yes, I will use profanity, texting acronyms, maybe even an emoji here and there; so, I am warning you now if you get offended easily stop reading. I do not have much of a filter once I get going. I will do my best to advise on entries that need warning…no promises guaranteed.

As a mom of three I am always on the go. My life is busy. My son is 14, a freshman in high school, and is already talking about what college he wants to go to and when he is going to apply. Yay!!! I did something right! Lol. When I was a freshman I was counting down the days until I turned 18 and could move out! My son is very motivated and ambitious. I am extremely proud of him and the maturity he has shown lately. My 12-year-old daughter is an animal lover and dreams about becoming a veterinarian. If she could bring home every stray animal, she would. I love her caring character. My 8-year-old diva daughter is one animated character for sure. She is full of sass, keeps me on my toes and is super girly. She is currently attempting to grow her hair out like Rapunzel…oh my. Even though she is full of attitude she can make anyone smile.

I am a 911 dispatcher. Most of the time at work I am a black cloud. I like to think my cloud rains glitter just to keep it slightly happy…positive thoughts equal positivity…maybe? I love my job. I can honestly say that even on the worst darkest evilest day at work I still walk out of the building wanting to go back the next day. Even when I am sicker than sick I still would rather be at work than curled up on my couch or in bed. Maybe I am sick in the head? Eh oh well.

As if I do not already have enough on my plate. I felt I needed to add more to it, because why not. I decided to go back to school full time. Yay! Go me! I have dreams, goals, places and plans I want to see and fulfill. I want to show my children that you can reach your goals no matter your age. Age is just a number after all; when it comes to certain things.

My life is busy and crazy, but it is mine. I am living it the way I want to, not how everyone else wants me too. I changed way too many times for way too many people. Welcome to the crazy…remember you have been warned. 😊